Etiquette Nazi

Dear Micah,

               Recently my niece had a baby. Of course there was a shower. My gift has never been acknowledged. I talked to my sister and she has yet to receive a thank you note either. Should we mention this to our niece, or should we take it to her mother and let her handle it?

The Unappreciated Aunts

Dear Unappreciated,

               Seriously, this is what you are focusing your valuable time on--your niece hasn't sent out her thank you cards yet--that's the problem at the forefront of your mind? I realize that its rude to not send out thank you notes. I also understand that people like to feel like their gesture was appreciated and did not go unnoticed. However, I think drawing attention to this oversight would be more rude than the omission of the thank you note was in the first place. Your niece is a little busy right now. She just had a baby. Earlier this year my son was born and I can tell you that it was hard to get all of the thank you cards written and sent out in a timely fashion while simultaneously caring for a newborn baby and keeping up with work. I was so grateful to everyone who gave us a gift and very thankful for all that we received, but I was also happy when the presents stopped so I could wipe my brow and check that task off the list. Even still, I had one batch of thank you cards get lost in the mail somewhere. I know this  because some people that I sent one too never got it and I am not sure how many of the cards were in that batch, so unless I resent every thank you, someone got missed and I didn't have time to figure out who it was. What I'm trying to tell you is that you should cut your niece some slack here. She has a lot going on. Drawing attention to this will only embarrass her, and her mother, and doing so should embarrass you as well. After all, you didn't give her the gift in order to receive praise did you? You ought to have given it because you love her and wanted her to have it. I have given gifts and not received a thank you note and I didn't care. It didn't anger me or make me feel unappreciated. I just figured that they were either very busy, thought they sent one, it got lost in the mail, or they thanked me in person when I gave it to them.  So let it go and do not make a further issue of this. But if it makes you feel better, yes, you are right. She should have sent you a thank you note. There. You are vindicated.

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