No Second Date Blues

Dear Micah,

               Why don't guys call back after the first date? 

J

Dear J,

               I don't know why they aren't calling you. You didn't give me enough information. Maybe you have a hump on your back. Maybe your breath smells of the grave. Maybe you have the personality of a dead ferret.  I can't tell you why you personally are being ditched, but I can give you some generalizations. Guys don't call back because...there's no point. Why is it necessary? It was ONE date. He isn't your boyfriend. You can't even really say that you're "dating" because that would require a second date. He really doesn't owe you anything, not even an explanation. It'd be different if you two had been seeing each other several times, but after only one date that isn't the case. What do you want to happen? Would you prefer him to call you up and say,

               "Hey! When we went out the other night I was so bored that I sat there the whole time thinking about all of the things I would rather be doing than having to sit in that restaurant with you. I thought that it would be rude to not ask you out on a second date, but then I decided that I'd much rather clean the gunk out of my gutters, so I think I'm just gonna stay home and do that. But thanks for that one awful evening!"

               So you see J., sometimes not hearing back from them is better. Instead of worrying about why guys don't have the courtesy to call you back for another date, start focusing on why guys don't want another date with you and fix that. You probably aren't repulsive since you were asked out in the first place. So that leaves two other possibilities: Your personality is lacking, or you put out on the first date. The sex part is easy to figure out. Are you sleeping with these guys on the first date? If yes, then quit doing that. Sexual attraction is the thing that pulls two strangers together and it should remain intact long enough to forge some other sort of reason to keep coming back. For example, he may find you really desirable and then after about two dates he starts to really want to see more of you because you are also very funny. Then once you sleep together and the sexual desire is satisfied, he still has a desire to be around you because he understands how much fun you are. If you are allowing these men to satiate the only thing drawing them to you in the first place then you are going to have a lifetime of one-night stands. If sex isn't happening on the first date, then you have personality issues. Do you have a lot of friends? If so, seek them out for advice. If not, then there's your answer...you're not terribly likeable. So figure out what you do wrong. Maybe you're bossy, or too opinionated for a total stranger, or maybe you are dull and contribute nothing of interest to the evening. I don't know what your problem is, but you definitely are doing something wrong. Worry about that and leave the questions about the guy's actions alone. Once you solve your own inadequacies, the second date calls will start rolling in.

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