Party Pooper

Dear Micah

My son's birthday is coming up. We are planning a party for him and his little friends. My son loves chocolate cake and I was going to get him a chocolate Spiderman cake.     The problem is that one of my neighbor's children is allergic to chocolate, and she is very vocal about how rude it is to have chocolate birthday cake when her son can't eat any. She pitched a fit at another birthday party last year of another neighbor's child. How should I handle this. My son really wants his chocolate Spiderman cake. But I really don't want a scene with my neighbor. And even if I have a small cake for her son, she will still throw a fit.

L.J.

Dear L.J.

There is no dealing with this woman. She is one of those people who believes that just because her child has specific limitations, every other child should go without too. I can't stand these people. It's the same thing as that woman who tried to stop the ice cream truck man from coming through the neighborhood simply because her son was lactose intolerant. It's stupid logic. I wish these kinds of people could remember that the world revolves on its axis, not eggshells. It isn't fair for the other children to have to sacrifice something they want because of her opinions, yet at the same time you don't want to ostracize her poor son.   I think having a small vanilla cake for him is more than sufficient. However, see if the store can decorate his small cake with some kind of Spiderman design so that he isn't completely left out of the theme. If and when the mother makes a remark, I would say, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that your son was so delicate that he might fall completely apart at the sight of other children eating a different kind of cake." Then I'd just slap her, you know, for funnsies. That's what I'd do. But I also reserve the right to set fire to anyone that misbehaves at one of my parties. We pass the marshmellows around on sticks and enjoy the blaze. Sometimes the blaze gets to running across the yard but we eventually chase it down and roast our tasty treats. Very few people misbehave at my house, or at least they never seem to do it twice.

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