ASK MICAH "Sick of the Sick Girlfriend"

Dear Ask Micah,

               In October I began dating Laurie. At first we had a good time doing things we mutually enjoyed. We liked to go hear local bands playing. We did a fair amount of hiking. Stuff like that. I thought she might be the perfect girl for me. I don't think that way now. I really liked Laurie but something changed and now she always has something wrong with her that interferes with our plans. Laurie has had the flu four times this season. She has recently developed some kind of shoulder problem and she says will need surgery. She won't hike anymore because she claims she has bone spurs. It sounds as if I'm unsympathetic now that I write it down and look at it, but there really is something to what I'm saying. I don't believe in half of her symptoms. I think she is turning into a hypochondriac. Whenever she senses that I don't believe her aches and pains, we have a fight. I don't intend to hurt her feelings, but it's beginning to bother me. Like last week I had concert tickets that I paid a lot for, then she got a migraine and couldn't go. Since we're sort of exclusive I didn't feel right taking someone else, so I ended up having to just give those tickets away.  I was going to plan a trip for us for the summer, but if she's just going to have something wrong with her I don't know if I should risk the money. I am growing concerned at where all this will leave our relationship.

Danny

Dear Danny,

               Dump her. Fast. She isn't becoming a hypochondriac, she has been one the entire time you've known her--you just didn't see it yet or she was carefully concealing it from you. If your girlfriend is the kind of person who wallows in made up maladies and exaggerated illnesses, this isn't going to go away. Something in her past has taught her that if she is seen as a pathetic sickly creature she will receive more attention and people will take care of her. Maybe she believes that she stands a better chance to hold on to you if you believe that she's suffering through some kind of sickness. Sometimes hypochondriacs think that no one would dare leave a sick person. It really doesn't matter what her motivations are. The only thing that you need to understand is that you need to break up with her. Things are only going to get worse. I know that I am going to sound like a jerk here, but even if she is genuinely sick with all of these things, my advice doesn't change. Move on. This girl is not your wife. She doesn't even qualify as a long-term relationship. You have known her for three months--maybe four--and already you are dissatisfied. You are having trouble believing her and as a result you are now having arguments with her. This doesn't bespeak of a potential life-long love.   The bottom line is that you are a pretty active guy. You don't want to miss life and all of the things it has to offer because a girlfriend (that you have no real obligations to), is sick all of the time. Tell her that it's too early in the relationship to be constantly inconvenienced and that you didn't sign up for "sick duty". She'll call you a jerk, but believe me, you aren't one. Leaving a sick wife or long-term love would be different, but this girl doesn't meet the requirements for either. Just move on. 

Return to Column >