The Case of the Girlfriend's Friend

Dear Micah,

              Lately I find myself drawn to one of my girlfriend's friends. I know it's not right, but whenever we are alone together we have a pretty good time. We also have a lot in common and she has a great sense of humor. My girlfriend and I have had some issues in the last year or so which I had thought we had worked out, but now I'm hearing a different story from several sources. I think that I may like to start something up with this friend, but I don't know the best way to go about ending things with my girlfriend. Normally I'd think I should give her an explanation, but in this situation I am not sure. Do I just break up with her or do I tell her about all of the things I have heard lately and potentially start a big blow out? Do I tell her that I am going to start seeing her friend, or do we keep that secret for a while? There is a shared circle of friends here that will be affected if this break up goes badly.

               Jeff

Dear Jeff,

               Have you ever watched any daytime television in your life? I don't mean The Price is Right either. I mean some good old fashioned baby-switching, amnesia getting, sleeping with your mother soap operas. I am assuming that the answer is no. So let me take you through this thing step by step. Your girlfriend's friend is the cause of all of the problems that you and your girlfriend are having. "These things" you are hearing are probably mostly coming from her. It's very simple really, she saw you, liked you, wanted you, and then began to squeeze her way in between the two of you. She's always sweet, always supportive, always understands your perspective and cannot comprehend why her friend can't see how great a guy you are. She also knows how to make you laugh. She will also listen to your incessant stories that your girlfriend tired of long ago. She just gets you better than your current girlfriend does. It's classic soap opera treachery! This girl is good. And you, my friend, have fallen for it like a traditional soap guy patsy. The sheer fact that there are times when you two are alone together make me suspicious. I'd love to know the clever lengths she has gone to arranging things so that you and she would be alone for a period of time? It all just screams soap opera vixen! I may be way off base here, and if I am please write me again and let me know and I'll dispense some different advice, but I don't think that I am wrong. So this is what I advise...

               Somehow you have to extrapolate the information you think you have on your girlfriend. Toss out everything you have heard from this friend or her friends. She is not a trustworthy source because if you dump your girlfriend, she gets you by default. Never trust the plumber who says you need a new toilet when he has one sitting out on the truck. I have a feeling that this girl has manipulated you all the way to breaking up with your girlfriend. Now putting that aside, maybe you really should break up with your girlfriend regardless of this girl's machinations. Obviously your feelings for her aren't strong enough to withstand a little outside manipulation. So regardless of any lies that may or may not have been told here, you probably shouldn't be with your girlfriend. And maybe you should go ahead and get with this friend. True she is proving herself to be manipulative and untrustworthy, but on the plus side she knows what she wants and goes after it and she really does seem to care about you. It may be a sick kind of love, but it's a deep one. And also remember option number three...choose no one. Your choices are not just limited to these two women. You could choose someone else, or no one else. So consider your feelings carefully and choose wisely, but before you do anything, get a really clear understanding of the players involved in this drama and their true motivations. Don't just trust blindly. Oh, and start watching some Daytime TV so you can avoid future chaos.

visit b-metro at http://www.b-metro.com/main.asp?page=1360

Return to Column >