The Friendship

Micah,

               My son and his girlfriend recently broke up and now he is dating a new girl. My son has good taste in women, perhaps too good, because both girls are really wonderful people. I really like this new girl, but I became really close to the ex-girlfriend too. In fact we are pretty good friends now. I don't want to make my son or his new girlfriend uncomfortable but I can't end my friendship with his ex. How do I work this out so that nobody's frustrated?

The Friendly Mom

Dear Mom,

               This is exactly why parents have to always remember that they are the parents and not the peers of their children. With that said,  a lot also depends on what age all of you are. If your son is a teen or in his early twenties and you are hanging out with his peer of that age, you are seriously in need of a reality check. You cannot recapture your youth by hanging around younger people. You should have friends your own age to spend time with and if you don't then that's a big clue that something is wrong with you. What could you possibly have in common with a person that age? Of perhaps I should say what should you have in common with a person that age? And the answer to that question should be very little.  I would hope that you don't enjoy sitting around discussing the next Justin Bieber album or how you're crushing on the Twilight guys. However, if your son is of an older age and his girlfriends are in their mid-thirties or up, I can see how you might befriend one. People from about 35 to about 55 can often gravitate towards each other in friendship depending upon the maturity level and life experience of everyone involved. If this is the case with you guys, then I think it might be natural for you to want to maintain a friendship with this girl if you and she really hit it off. Sit your son and his new girlfriend down and explain to them that you are friends with the ex and tell them of your intention to remain friends. Assure them that she will not be forced upon them and take special care to reassure your son's current girlfriend that you are in no way pushing for a reconciliation between your friend and your son.   Things might be a little awkward for a little while until all parties involved see how it all plays out, but as long as you stick to your word of not bringing the ex around them or trying to play cupid, everyone should be happy. Just make sure that your friend isn't "your friend" just so that she can get back together with your son.

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