The Inconsiderate Gardener

Dear Micah,

               My neighbor is driving me crazy. He insists on doing all of his yard work early Saturday mornings. I am awakened almost every Saturday to the sounds of him cutting his grass, edging around his flower beds, and running his gas blower. He starts at around 7am and my bedroom is right there facing his lawn. I tried to ask him to do it later but he said that it gets too hot later and that I should be up anyway. How should I handle this?

Wide Awake

Dear Wide Awake,

               I did some research and looked into the matter (which is code for I Googled it) and according to the noise ordinances, as long as it is all taking place after 6am and before 9pm there isn't anything legally that you can do to stop him. So if it were me, I would try to appeal to him on a friendly neighbor level one more time. Explain to him that you need your sleep and you would appreciate it if he waited until maybe 9am before he began his yard work. You might even research the temperatures and show him that there is very little difference between the temperature at 7am and the one at 9am. Give him one last opportunity to prove that he has it in him to be a considerate neighbor. If he doesn't, then it's on!

               Use the ordinances to your own advantage. You also have the right to tend to your yard any day that you want at 6am. So maybe cut your grass or blow leaves from your lawn while he's sleeping. If he is a really early riser, then maybe save some of your noisy work for just before 9pm when he's settling down for the night, or maybe do it at 6 or 7pm when he and his family are trying to have their family meal. If he complains to you then offer up a compromise, suggest that you'll both tend to your lawns at an agreed upon time. 

               I doubt very much, however, that doing you own yard work at odd times is going to bring any kind of change. It may just be that you need to start becoming an obnoxious neighbor and drive him crazy. Start having loud gatherings at your house to watch ball games or listen to music, or just have a Scrabble night. Invite loads of people and fill up the public street parking with their cars. As long as no one blocks his driveway he can't do anything about it. Also as long as the noise ceases by 9pm, he can't do anything about it. You could also paint your house a crazy color that would drive him to distraction. I think plaid would do the trick. Of course this takes time, money and courage, but I know that if I had a neighbor that ticked me off enough, I would do all kinds of things to drive them bonkers and decrease their property value, even if I had to decrease my own in the process. My personal favorite nuisance is the trash can strategy. Start storing your family's trash receptacles on the side of the house that faces your neighbor. Perhaps your family could eat a great deal of fish. Fish is very healthy and the remains of a cut up fish can stink to high heaven, especially when left to bake in the warm sun. The stench of your garbage isn't illegal, after all, the fish is just the remains of your dinner. As long as you are taking your trash bins to the street on trash days, no one can fault you. You like fish. You eat it a lot. The carcass of the fish is thrown away in a proper receptacle awaiting regular trash pick-up. You've done nothing technically wrong. I had a friend once who hated her neighbor because he was always complaining that her yard was too weedy while his was so neat and pristine. She started picking dandelions anyplace she saw them and she would scattered the seeds in his yard. She also planted some kudzu in a ravine behind his house and in time he was battling it so some degree. Of course he never knew she did any of this, but it only took a couple of years before his yard was so full of weeds that he couldn't keep up with it anymore and just let it go. 

               Of course an easier solution to your problem with your neighbor would be if you planted some Cherry Laurels or some Junipers or some kind of fast growing shrub that could wall off your property line and create a noise barrier. In about a year or two much of the noise would be blocked out. 

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