The Princess Diaries

 Dear Micah,

My husband treats our daughter like a princess and has all of her life.  I liked going with it when she was little.  It was cute to dress her up and get her nails done.   Now she's 14 and starting to become a pain.  She has an attitude and acts like the whole world revolves around her.  She's lost a good friend because of her attitude too.  At 14 is it too late to fix this and set her right or do I just have another entitled brat on my hands?

Dear Mom,

I wish people would never start this silly Princess crap with their daughters.  Playing dress up or having pretend time with a small child is one thing, but allowing the child to grow up feeling pampered and entitled just gives them an unrealistic view of life, money, and other people's fascination with them.  There are already too many people floating around out there that truly believe they have a right to have everything they want and a right to do anything they want.  At a certain point in life it becomes too late to teach a "Princess" (or "Prince" for that matter) to let go of their arrogant, self indulgent point of view.  I know first-hand how difficult it can be as a parent to curtail your desire to give your child whatever they want, but somehow good parents manage to find a way so that their child will grow up to have a tolerable personality.  Generally spoiled kids, or "Princes and Princesses", tend to grow up to be pretty unlikeable people.  We all know the type.  In places of business they are the ones who do the least work yet squawk the most about how over worked they are.  In circles of friends they are the ones who always espouse the "I'll always be there for you" sentiment, but are never anywhere to be found when needed.  And they usually have a string of failed romances behind them because their partners get fed up with everything being so one sided.  A Princess will consistently blame others for her own shortcomings and never take responsibility for what has gone wrong in her life.  A Princess will imagine a thousand ways you've slighted her and confront you with each one while simultaneously deflecting any valid criticisms you may have of how she conducts herself.  A Princess will always demand respect rather than command respect, and never grasp that respect is earned, not a birthright.  A Princess will never fully stand on her own two feet because there is a cushy chair nearby she could sit in that Mommy and Daddy pay for.  You definitely do not want your daughter to grow up a "Princess".  The good news is that at 14, it is not too late to save her.  The first thing you must do is get Dad on board.  Your struggle is going to be futile if he still insists on spoiling and coddling his precious princess.  After he's on board, then it all comes down to undoing the damage done so far.  Your daughter has got to learn that the world isn't as interested in her as she thinks.  In fact, the rest of the world couldn't care less about her, she's just another face in the crowd.  That's the biggest problem you have to face in order to save her from a life of unhappiness--the idea that she is more important than she actually is to the rest of the world.  Now I'm not saying that you should break her self-esteem.  We all need self esteem.  But she has to understand that to other people she doesn't rate very high on the list of importance in their lives.  It is imperative that she realize that if she wants to be important to other people she must earn that rank with friendship, kindness of spirit, and empathy.  She must understand that she isn't entitled to their admiration simply because she exists.  Once she can comprehend that other people find themselves just as important as she finds herself, then she will be all right.  Use the fact that she has already lost one good friend to teach the lesson.  It's not too late for your daughter to begin to place others on the same pedestal she places herself.  It's not too late for her to build a large network of friends that she can lean on, depend on, and share her life with...as long as she is also there in the same way for them.

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