The Unexpected Friendship

Dear Micah,

               My dilemma is a little unusual.   I have become really good friends with my best friend's husband. He's such a great guy and we get have always gotten along so well that it has blossomed into a friendship of our own separate from my girlfriend. There is absolutely nothing going on romantically between us. Their marriage is solid and so is mine. But people are talking and I don't want my friend to think that there is anything happening that ought not happen. She seems fine with our friendship, and my husband says he's not threatened by it. So how do we get the rest of our circle of friends to lay off the innuendo and let our friendship alone? 

Jackie

Dear Jackie,

               Unlike the case above, I am in no way going to sanction this friendship to be okay. I believe you when you say it's strictly platonic, but it still has to end. You can hang out with him all you like while your husband is around or your girlfriend is around. Enjoy his company like there's no tomorrow, but chaperoned. I say this because you can never be too careful with the heart and mind. What if problems arise in your marriage, or his, and suddenly your friendship is the only bright spot in the temporarily bleak moment. That might be enough to confuse you both into believing that you are in love. Even if that never happens, time spent with him sharing secrets, hopes, and dreams could be considered emotionally-cheating on your husband. It isn't fair, but typically friendships between men and women are not meant to grow very close and continue to remain platonic, unless of course one of them is gay. It's been my experience that one of the people in the friendship is always in love with the other, or at the very least attracted to them. Oh, they'll lie to themselves and others and say they aren't, but they are. Your husband says he's not threatened, but he is...unless he's an idiot. He just doesn't want to look like he feels insecure about this. The same goes for your girlfriend. She'll say that she is fine with it, because to admit otherwise would be like saying she doesn't trust her husband. No woman wants her friends to think that she suspects her husband may stray. Women want other women to think they have their man under control. You are playing with fire and you might end up losing both of your friends and push your husband into cultivating some new "friendships" of his own, since the rules have been set aside and female friends are now allowed. Is this friendship really worth all of these possibilities? If the answer is yes and you are willing to risk everything for it, then you have just proven my point...you are already in love with your best friend's husband.

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